yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
