I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
