Umm I'm too high to move.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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