he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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