it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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