I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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