I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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