my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i think i just lost a toe
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
