Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
