I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
