A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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