you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
