I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
