he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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