He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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