I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
