He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
