Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
