Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
