Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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