I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
two words...techno handjob
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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