i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
