woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
