I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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