he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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