God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize