If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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