there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
