my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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