yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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