I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
