It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
