So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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