Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
