Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
