3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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