His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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