oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
