I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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