Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
