here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize