I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
