who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want her autograph on my taint
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
