Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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