Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
