MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
