Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
