So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
