if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
