He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
