Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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