Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
