Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
