we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
