Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she smelled like a LAN party
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
