Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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