sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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