I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize