i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
