a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
