She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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