I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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