How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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