I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
NoShamevember. You game?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
