Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
