So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
