I just saw a hot homeless man
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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