Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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