garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
