good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
