i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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