Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
