Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
