I want to have your abortion
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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