Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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