I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
