Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
